ASRWU - part seven

After a few days, we had to get the hell out of there. We took a flight from Columbus to Manchester (New Hampshire, not old Lancashire). All 4 of us had been “selected by the computer for secondary search”. Interesting, that. Even their computers are against us.

This was a very thorough security check conducted by the now-obligatory stony-face of a misanthrope, who spent 5 minutes just trying to open my lip balm. Obviously not wanting to display his near-defeat at the hands of my make-up, he then proceeded to open everything else in my bag. I think he wanted to be acknowledged as some kind of Opening Things expert.
So in his honour, here’s a list of things he successfully opened:

• Mascara – black Clinique Naturally Glossy


• Lip Balm (eventually) – Fresh! Raspberry flavour mmm


• Book – Scar, The - by China Mieville (not sure what he was looking for in here - inspiration perhaps?)


• Compact powder – Clinique Honey


• Liquid Eyeliner – black Estee Lauder


• Lipstick – Ruby and Millie (but SO not his colour)


• Wallet (doesn’t really count as it was falling apart anyway) - Paul Frank; containing x amount of dollars/ a Scottish twenty pound note/ duty free receipt/ 2 pound coins/ various debit and credit cards/ Boots Advantage card with 1090 points/ Medical Defence Union card/ 2 first class stamps/ photo of hubbie on our wedding day


• Camera case – containing… yep a camera, and not a single incendiary device in sight


• Drawstring Pouch – containing wide-angle lens

His downfall however, ha ha ha - came with my cute, stubborn, little mobile phone. If only it had been a drawstring – he could do those quite well. In any case it was not exactly the Krypton Factor. So now it was my turn; I put on my best patronising smile and sweetly said “it just slides open, see” – Woohoo, me and my Siemens – together we’re unbeatable.