ASRWU - part three

Eventually we made it to the gate and were first to board – due to our newfound upgraded status. I’m telling you, business class is definitely THE way to travel (particularly when you don’t have to pay for it). I tried not to feel like an imposter as we sipped on complementary champagne, whilst other passengers boarded the flight. We each had a small free bag of goodies containing the following:

1 pair socks
1 mini toothbrush
1 mini toothpaste
1 padded eyecover thingies for sleeping
1 mini bottle moisturizer
1 packet of 2 tissues
1 toothpick
Length of dental floss
1 mini bottle mouthwash

Hmmm. It occurred to me that there was a prominent dental theme running through this freebie. Ah, it suddenly all makes sense. Now I know why rich people have nice teeth. The airlines care about the teeth of rich people. They get free in-flight dental care. Not like us plebs, who might remember 7 hours into the long-haul that our toiletries bag is packed safely in our checked-in baggage. And so we must bear the burden of bad breath and dental decay. See, that is what separates them from us. Except this time. This time we had the free dental stuff too.
This time, we were them.

I won’t say much about the actual flight except that we were an hour late setting off because 2 boarded passengers collapsed, started vomiting, and had to be removed from the flight. My highlight was stretching my legs out in front of me and still not being able to touch the seat in front. The film I watched was The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which was just as entertaining the second time round.

We arrived in Washington’s Dulles(t) airport 1hr late. The flight crew, though unable to relay any info regarding missed connections, had nevertheless assured us that ground staff would be waiting to direct us accordingly. We disembarked with no information about connecting flights, and discovered there was no sign of any ground staff. In fact, there weren’t even any noticeable signs at all.

This really was the most disorganized airport I have ever known. It was completely chaotic. We eventually stumbled upon the phenomenally long queue for immigration where we were duly interrogated for 2 minutes. It was like one of those quiz-show quickfire rounds. The poe-faced host tried to ask as many questions as possible within the allotted time. Naturally, we came through with a record-breaking 25. And the crowd went wild.
It was kind of crazy that so many people had to have their photos and fingerprints taken, just to enter the country (we Brits were spared this indignity due to the “special relationship”). It really made no sense.

So by the time the immigration conveyor belt had spewed us out the other end, we had missed our connecting flight. This wouldn’t usually be a problem in a normal airport. But this wasn’t a normal airport. Once again there were no ground staff or signs to help us out. After traipsing through from one terminal to another, in a vain attempt to locate ANYONE who knew what was going on, we had to exit the secured area and find the airline desks. Here too there was no kind of queue and people were just pushing in front wherever they liked. Society gone mad!

Finally we got tickets for the last flight out to Cleveland. This entailed going back through security again – we knew the drill by now – remove your shoes / coats / belts etc. You’re allowed to smile at them but make no funny remarks, no matter how amusing they sound in your head, and don’t expect or ask them to smile back. They don’t find that funny.