Gun Story 2

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Minor injuries unit ... soul-destroying stuff ... alleged assault/head injury/alleged assault/sprained ankle/alleged assault/whiplash/...
"Well, doctor, it's my knee. It's been really sore for the past two or three days. No, I haven't had any injury to it. It's difficult to walk."
So he hobbles off to X-ray and hobbles back a while later.
I hold up the Xray against the light, and ponder the curious, radio-opaque, pellet-shaped object which appears to be lodged just above his knee.
"Have you ever been shot?"
"yeah, I was shot in my leg four or five days ago" he says showing me a healing wound just next to his shin.
"And you didn't think to mention this before??"
"Anyway, you'll have to be admitted to have that surgically removed.."
"You're JOKING!"
"No."
"Oh. Right. ... Well, .." he mumbles, barely audibly "what about the ones in my chest and shoulder?"

Gun Story

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"There's been a drive-by shooting... we were just waiting for taxis, and some guys drove past and opened fire on the queue"
But wait a minute. This isn't America. This is B*lt*n. For f**k's sake. We don't have guns. And certainly not semi-automatics.
It was some blokes who couldn't get into a nightclub, apparently went and got their *revenge*.
They were caught when one of them went back to collect his car from the nightclub carpark, and one of the bouncers recognised him... DOH!
No-one was killed.